Rules For Work: (Should go over
well with your boss.)
Print it out and hang it over your work station...I dare ya!
1. Never give me work in the morning.
Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge
of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run
in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going.
That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every
keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling
anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative
when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers,
boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need
to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with
no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one
job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late.
I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything
to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep
it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell
everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was
born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions
for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the
job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people
you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate
food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my
shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the
job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send
you straight to manager's hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems.
No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.
I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes
on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review
and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre
performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here
for the money anyway.
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